The Older Generation (My Mother) & The LGBTQ Community

There is no doubt that at times I despair at my mothers views on being gay, but I also understand her beliefs. She is in her eighties and from a generation that quite simply doesn’t tolerate people’s choices on how they decide to live their lives. Homophobia sadly is alive and kicking in a small section of my family.

So last Sunday my mum came to Sunday lunch as she does most Sundays. On this particular Sunday my 20 year old daughter was home from university for a couple of days and I think she was a bit shocked at her grandmothers views on homosexuality.

I’m not sure how the subject came around to talking about the subject of homosexuality, but it did and it’s not that we haven’t talked before about it. I have on many occasions had this conversation with her.

On this particular Sunday I decided to question my mother’s beliefs in a little more detail. I knew I wouldn’t change her views, because for her this is a lifetime of thinking, and at her age it’s not going to change anytime soon.

I started out by asking my mother how she would feel if my son, her grandson came out as gay. He is 18 years old and to my knowledge I believe he is straight, but I was curious to my mothers reaction should it turn out he was gay.

My mother, his grandmothers, reaction was typical of her generation. She said I hope he is not, but I wouldn’t love him any less, but it would be a shame. She then asked me how would you feel, to which I replied exactly the same as I do now, he’s my son I would love him whatever. To which my mother rolled her eyes, a look that said she didn’t quite believe me. I decided I couldn’t be bothered arguing the point. So I let go for another day.

The conversation moved on, I decided to ask my mother what exactly is wrong with being gay. Her reply will most likely shock a lot of people, but not me because I already knew her thoughts on the subject.

It’s not normal she said.

Why is not not normal mum?

It’s just not she said, without elaborating on her reply. I of course tried to explain that it is as normal as my wife and I being married. In today’s world, I tried to explain that’s it’s very normal and completely ok to be in a same sex marriage and have children. I could guess from the look on her face that she was not convinced that this was normal, then amazingly she just rolled her eyes at me again.

One other point my mum made which I found actually interesting, but shocking at the same time, was she stated that two women together was more acceptable to her, than two men together.

What she actually meant by this was she felt it was more normal to her for two women to be together than two men. Her thinking behind this actually if I’m honest I haven’t got a clue, it baffles me.

Finally my conversation moved to the point where I decided to test my mother on whether she liked certain celebrities, who I knew and of course she did as well that were gay. I asked my mother if she liked certain male gay celebrities, to which she replied yes she liked them all. So I asked what’s the difference, her reply was well they are stars and famous. So it was ok for them to be gay and in a relationship with the same sex. I really struggle to get my head around her logic.

I will say that not all the generation of my mothers age are homophobic, but sadly I come across many of her age that think like this. Thankfully her beliefs have not passed down to me, and I have not passed her beliefs and ways on to my children

Hopefully we will eventually have a society that is accepting of people’s choices of how they want to live their lives and normal is normal however and whoever you live your life with.

I would love to hear your thoughts.