When Do You Start Conversations About Sex Education With Your Children?

Come on then! Who has had these conversations, or do you shy away from conservations about sex?

It’s that subject that parents still get embarrassed talking about with their children, but at what age do you start educating your children about sex?

Let’s be brutally honest, schools and the education system are letting our children down with their idea of sex education as it will quite possibly involve an hour in year six of primary school, which is totally inadequate. Wouldn’t you agree? All you end getting is children either embarrassed or sniggering in the when they hear the word penis or vagina. For goodness sake the education system needs to get it’s act together.

As a dad of five children, three of which are now grown up and are adults, I have never struggled to talk to them about sex. It is after all one of the primary needs of a human being. This could be either for pleasure or to procreate and keep the human race alive and growing.

So if you have never talked about sex with your children for fear of embarrassing yourself and having a feeling of being uncomfortable talking about it, here are a few tips that I discovered when I was talking about sex to my older children that made it easier, and I hope helped to educate them around the subject of sex.

1. Deciding On The Best Age To Discuss Sex

This is so difficult to decide, and I guess as parents it will be hugely dependent on how comfortable you are talking about sex. For myself I don’t struggle talking about sex and there are very gentle ways that sex can be discussed with children as young as possibly eight year olds. That might sound very young, but with social media now very much part of young people’s lives they will know a lot more than we give them credit for. Also remember they will be in high school when they are 11 years old that’s just a mere three years, and believe me they will learn very quickly once they walk through the high school gates. My tip is simple, just introduce talks around sex as early as possible, but in a child friendly, age appropriate way.

2. To Be Honest When Talking About Sex

This is absolutely vital for me. Once your children are curious about sex and reaching an age where hormones are running riot, and yes they are starting to notice the opposite sex, I found that there is no point in wrapping it up. Once my children were in their teenage years I was always totally honest with them. Why you may ask well? I’m not going to stop it. If it’s going to happen they will have sex, so at least give them the information and what I mean is the correct information, not all that nonsense about the birds and bees. They need to know to practice safe sex, and that, yes you can get pregnant if you don’t use a condom or a sexually transmitted disease. I was always very blunt about this information and to the point. I always made sure they fully understood the consequences of not practicing safe sex.

3. I’m always Here Come And Talk If You Are Not Sure

If you planted the seeds at a young age that talking about sex is not taboo, nor should it be surrounded by stigma, and that you are comfortable when talking about sex, believe me, your children will come to you and will ask you questions. All three of my older children at some point or another have asked questions about sex. That may have shocked some people, but my feeling was always to answer correctly, but more importantly honestly. Never under any circumstances did I give false information because I was too embarrassed to tell truth. That in itself is very dangerous and could leave them open to all sorts of problems.

4. If They Ask You About Your Experiences Tell The Truth

Ok you don’t go into graphic details, that is totally inappropriate, but I remember my then 13 year old daughter asking me out of the blue. “Dad, when did you first have sex” I will be honest, it did catch me slightly off guard, but I composed myself and told her it was just before my 13th birthday. Judge me if you want, but my childhood was far from normal, and I was a street kid hanging with people a lot older than myself so it was going happen, it was just the way it was in those days, but I have no regrets. I think at the time my daughter was a bit shocked at my age, but I couldn’t lie to her and say I was 18 hoping that she would wait until then, or for that matter that I practiced safe sex because I sure didn’t. I come from the generation that had to ask over the counter for condoms at the chemist and then walk out with a bar of soap, thank goodness those days are gone and young people can buy condoms without any embarrassment. I found that by telling the truth I was gaining my daughters trust that she could talk to me about anything, and nothing would shock or disappoint me.

This is how I dealt with talking about sex to my older children and I will be talking exactly the same way to my six year year old twin girls when the time comes and it’s appropriate.

I have actually seen through the last 10 years or so that attitudes towards sex by young people has changed. I’m not saying that one night stands or having sex within 10 minutes of meeting someone has disappeared because it hasn’t and that will always happen, but I think a larger percentage of young people now are looking to have a good sex life with the boundaries of a relationship and that of course is without question the best kind of sex life. Don’t wait for the education system to explain sex, because believe you will grow old waiting. As parents take the responsibility and do it yourself, I did. Make sure your children have all the correct information about sex and give them practical and useful advice to help them, navigate this difficult part of teenage life.

What age do you plan on talking to your kids about sex, or have you already started the talk? I would love to hear your experiences.