Why is it people think dads are incapable
Recently I’ve found it more and more common to find people looking at me strangely, at least this is probably the best word to describe it when I’m on my own with my four year old twins.
Ok I’m an older dad to four year old twins. But surely it could never be that, that’s really not very unusual today, surely not. Some of the stares actually make me feel like an alien and also uncomfortable.
On one such occasion recently I was at the doctors surgery. I am always with my twin girls on Monday and Tuesday and R has been suffering from a cough for weeks. I suggested to my wife that I take her to the doctors on this particular Monday because the cough has not been getting any better.
I rang the surgery early in the morning and got an appointment for late afternoon. That in itself amazed me! GP’s so difficult to get an appointment on the day.
We arrived and sat down to wait to see the doctor and then a woman of a certain generation said to the girls where’s your mummy? To say I was little offended is an understatement. Was I invisible? I very quickly turned to the woman and said their mummy is in work and their dad has brought them to Doctors. I know it’s incredible to believe, but it’s true.
I really wanted to rant and have a go at this woman and it would have been very easy, but I decided to stay politely silent. As obviously I had my daughters with me and it would have been inappropriate of me to lose my cool in front of them.
In today’s world dads are now major carers in their childrens lives, yet people still believe that dads are not capable. It’s that old line that gets me. Oh! You must be babysitting.
Just for the record dads can’t babysit their children because it’s their responsilbility as a parent to have their children.
Well amazingly dads are capable of taking their children to the doctors, parties, shopping etc. In fact just about everything that mum can do, and they can do this all on their own. I realise this could be difficult for people to comprehend, but it’s most definitely true.
I can also cook, bath and dress them all on my own! Even wash, brush and dry their hair! When they want a hundred things done at once, I can multitask. It’s truly amazing as a dad what I can achieve.
The girls have a birthday party in a couple of weeks and my wife said are you going to be ok to take them on your own. I’m not sure she didn’t mean anything by it, but yes I will be fine. I will manage just about!
When is the myth of only mums can do certain things going to be buried once and for all? Probably never! Why? Well the media and everything else justs keeps telling the world that mum knows best.
Personally I think mum and dad knows best equally. And both of us get it right and we both also get it wrong.
23 Comments
mumzilla
February 24, 2016 at 7:11 am
How rude! Nice bit of sexism for you there! #bestandworst
Robyn
February 24, 2016 at 7:11 am
So right, at the end of the day we all (Mums and Dads) are doing our best – sometimes we get it right, sometimes we don't. I love how involved (many) dads are with their kids these days, when I was an infant it actually was the mums who did everything because that's just how it was.
It’s Adam Again
February 24, 2016 at 7:30 am
Completely agree about dad's and babysitting. I am sure your wife was just questioning if you would be ok with a daunting room of mums, not of you would be ok with the children! 🙂
Jeremy Barnes
February 24, 2016 at 3:20 pm
This gets so annoying. The idea that dads should be celebrated for caring for their children is insulting at best. Anybody that ever asks me if I'm babysitting or if mom knows what we are up to gets a pretty good earful
Mimiroseandme
February 24, 2016 at 3:26 pm
My husband can definitely understand where you are coming from…he is always being asked if he needs help by family and as much as I don't want to admit it – by me too. I know he is more than capable of looking after Amelia its become a bit of a habit of me asking him, only because I know he works so hard. My husband will literally do everything I will do with Amelia and I just love to watch them together. I do think that people should watch what they say to Dads – they are just as capable as Mums! #BestAndWorst
Sarah Howe
February 24, 2016 at 8:16 pm
You did well to stay quiet. How rude of that lady. I agree with you. You obviously do a fab job and so does my hubby. he gets my daughter ready in the morning and takes her to nursery as I have to leave early. God knows what I would do without my right arm Daddy xx Thanks for sharing with #bestandworst x
Janine Woods – Unhinged Mummy
February 24, 2016 at 9:08 pm
My husband was quite offended (quite rightly) when I said something about him baby sitting the other day. You're so right in what you have said in your post as a society we do tend to focus more on the mums raising the kids and taking them to appointments ect when more often than not it is equal partnership. Dad's are definately more involved with their children these days but it seems that society has not yet caught up with the times and I can understand why Dad's would be upset and frustrated with that.
#bestandworst
Simon (Man vs. Pink)
February 25, 2016 at 9:35 am
I don't get it so much to my face, or even directed at me – but I hear (and see online) so many mums complaining about how crap their other half is with the kids. Often it's done in jest, and I'm accused of lacking a sense of humour for being pissed about it. But there is a subculture that thinks it's ok to talk down dads when it comes to parenting.
Tom – Diary of the Dad
February 25, 2016 at 10:20 am
It's bloody ridiculous that these outdated attitudes are still alive and well and I'm sick of people asking me the same questions when I'm out and about with my kids. The suggestion that looking after little ones is solely a mum's work doesn't do either gender any favours and these people can sod off back to the 1950s!
john adams
February 25, 2016 at 11:27 am
Happens all the time. In fact I have previously found healthcare workers can be the worst at these generalisations. Oh, and the policies some hospitals follow effectively label all fathers as potential abusers. Fathers are just as capable as caring for their kids as mothers and the world must accept this. #brilliantblogposts.
shoeboxfullofmemories
February 25, 2016 at 9:01 pm
Love that last line. Absolutely killer. It is infuriating to be sidelined in that way.
I freely admit to not being able to do hair though! I almost bought a Barbie head at the boot sale so I could practice on a non-squirming head of hair!
#BrillBlogPosts
Mrs Tubbs
February 26, 2016 at 1:01 pm
Rev T feels your pain! He was the Tubblet's primary carer when she was small. Sometimes he'd get weird reactions or completely patronised. He felt these people should sod off back to the 1950's too!
Something Crunchy Mummy
February 26, 2016 at 8:02 pm
That was pretty rude. Well put, in this day and age it's not the mum doing everything! #binkylinky xx
Someone’s Mum
February 26, 2016 at 8:14 pm
It is a bit rude. I would have politely called her out on it – but I think by responding in that way you kinda did. I guess society will still judge both women and men by those stereotypes until we eradicate that attitude entirely – like dads 'babysitting'. My husband is totally as much of a hands on parent as me. He takes my lg to all her hospital appointments as I can never get the time off. It is pretty silly that anyone should be made to feel that way in this day and age #binkylinky
Accidental Hipster mum
February 27, 2016 at 7:31 am
People do just seem to expect it to be the mums doing all of the caring. And I agree about the use of the word 'babysitting' when someone is talking about a father looking after their child!
I suppose it could be the rise of young, irresponsible men, creating children and then just leaving everything to the mums. There is a bit of a single parent culture that people may have come to expect.
My daughter's father wouldn't change nappies, dress her, or even watch her for ten minutes so I could go to the shop alone. I fear it may be men like this that are ruining a father's reputation.
I really enjoyed that post 🙂
http://www.accidentalhipstermum.com
Elizabeth Turnbull
February 28, 2016 at 5:13 pm
Definitely a problem. Gender roles have been so ingrained that most people don't even realize they're there!
Helen Gandy – Beautiful Things
February 28, 2016 at 8:34 pm
Some people are very narrow minded aren't they, my husband often has both kids and does the nursery run every week all by himself (*gasp*) ……I am already at work before they go and need picking up so it's down to him but then he has always been like that and doing things with them. Dad are rocks, enough said. Thanks for hosting #binkylinky
Honest mum
February 28, 2016 at 8:48 pm
This makes me so angry, why would the dr even say that! Grrr! There needs to be equality for both parents. Thanks for linking up to #brilliantblogposts
David Shaul
March 2, 2016 at 8:48 pm
I 100% agree with you! I've said this for years now! All the talk of equality in the world, yet Mums are still seen as superior to Dad's! Great read mate 🙂
Min
March 26, 2016 at 2:54 pm
I'm a single parent so this hasn't affected me, but my mum makes comments like this about dads and I have had to call her out on it. I think it's a generational thing. My dad never did very much in the way of hands on parenting when we were kids, so she just assumes that others will be the same, but attitudes have definitely changed in the past 30 years, and rightly so.
Alex Walsh
May 11, 2016 at 3:57 pm
I think of it as "Daddy Pig Syndrome"- the expectation that men will be bumblingly hopeless at all things parental.
It's sort of an extension of "idiot-at-household-chores-man", the informal superhero created by the advertising execs at every cleaning product brand in existence.
Picking it apart further though, you can probably get back to the (unintended heart?) of it as something that is bizarrely derogatory to women. Women are paid less for doing the same work, given less respect for doing more than a man could do, so inconsequential areas where they're perceieved to do better than men (cleaning? REALLY?) are built up as part of the patriarchal hegemony. The implicit idea that women are better at cleaning or staying at home looking after kids while the man does the important stuff is more insulting to women than the bumbling idiot dad is the scheme of things.
Doesn't stop it being effing irritating when some woman makes a comment when I'm out with my three though!
Nigel
May 11, 2016 at 4:55 pm
Thanks for commenting Alex I agree it's very irritating the comments and yes marketing execs do have a lot to answer for
Ps not sure why but I appear to be blocked from following you on Twitter hope I haven't offended
Thanks Nige
Kelly Allen
November 6, 2016 at 10:26 am
This happens to us also! We went to Blackpool last year and Warren was a few meters away when a lady came over and accused him of ‘watching the kids’ then tellnig me all about the ‘child snatchers’ in the area! I was in total shock after it sunk in she was refrring to my husband, their Dad!!!!! People are so strange. My Dad was older than my Mom by nearly 20 years, so I’ve also experienced this, he would often get funny looks and kids at school laughing at him. I feel for you, I really do. xxxx