Calling a Step Parent Mum or Dad.
We have in life two people that are biological parents and they are usually known as Mum and Dad. By definition they are the reason we are here. Without them having that moment of passion, we would not have been born. We simply wouldn’t exist.
We will all grow up with either both, one or neither of our parents in our life. In the world we live in today it seems to me that couples split up and the children the in middle eventually end up calling their parents new partners mum or dad. The question I’m asking is, is that right or wrong?
My own personal view is that it is wrong. I came from a broken home for the want of a better expression and there were plenty of men that came into my mothers life that I could have called dad and even though I had no contact with my own father I had no desire to call somebody else dad. The truth was I wanted to call my father dad but that’s another story for another post one day.
My wife and I were having a conservation the other night about this subject and we were saying that if anything happened to either of us or we ended up splitting and then one of us met somebody else we would not be happy if our children called them mum or dad. I know it really doesn’t matter because you would be dead or off the scene and wouldn’t have a clue. Anyways it seems both of us have the same belief, that you only have one mum or dad.
Of course you might not be dead, but not as active as much as you should be in your childrens lives and contact could be difficult because let’s be honest split-ups and divorce are generally a messy affair and people going through divorce can be incredibly hurtful, but I for one would be devasted if I heard any of my children call another man dad.
It seems to me that society is conditioning us to quickly call somebody else mum or dad just because they are the partner of our mum or dad whatever the reason that our biological parents are not in our lives. This doesn’t mean you automatically call them mum or dad.
Of course there are some circumstances that people call somebody mum or dad it could be they have been with the child from nearly birth and that it is totally acceptable.
Although I believe that once the child is old enough they should always be told the truth.
It goes back to the fact that whatever the state of the relationship with your biological parents they are your mum and dad, and that won’t change. They may not deserve to be called mum or dad, but they are.
I would love to know your personal experiences or views on this subject.
6 Comments
Rebecca
March 25, 2017 at 5:46 pm
My little man was only four months in utero when I fried a relationship with my now husband… his biological father was not very nice and I was lucky to be so strong and escape when I did. I must point out that I had known my now husband for three years prior to forming a relationship with him during my pregnancy… we were good friends that ad dated before and it had never flourished… this time it did! He was so supportive and loving and kind and was even there at the birth of my son. We didn’t know what was going to happen with little mans biological father so we didn’t immediately refer to my husband as ‘Daddy’ so as not to step on anyones toes… but as the years went on it naturally fell into place and he is now the only father that he has ever known. My husband IS his Dad… it takes a lot more from a man to be a PARENT and loving FATHER and ROLE MODEL.
Karen, the next best thing to mummy
March 25, 2017 at 6:02 pm
We are a blended family, I have written a blog post about our experience, but in a nutshell, my children didn’t call their step dad, dad, they already had a dad, that they still had regular contact with and my step son didn’t call me mum, but when strangers presumed we were mum and dad, the children found it easier to go along with it, if that makes sense!
Keri Jones
March 25, 2017 at 10:02 pm
If a non-biological parent is there right from the start then yes call them Mum / Dad. However, if a relationship fails or the parents are separated through other circumstances then no!
Mother’s Day as an Adoptee – OMG its a girl !
March 26, 2017 at 2:27 am
[…] read this post by Nigel Higgins who blogs at DIY Daddy Blog. About step children who call their step parent Mum […]
Lisa
April 2, 2017 at 3:51 am
I’ve been in a relationship with a wonderful man for the past year who has a beautiful four year old girl. From the start of us dating, she innitiated calling me Mom, even though she lives with her bioligical Mother too. Being a step parent is super hard, and you have to work at bonding more than natural. I share this to say we’ve had our ups and downs…. but I would never make her call me Mommy. There was even one time she was acting out, and I asked her if it’s hard having two Mommies. She said yes. I told her she doesn’t have to call me Mommy, that she can call me Lisa. At this point she even told me I was her Mommy too, even though she has a biological one. I think it’s really a personal choice for each parent and child, and I also think it’s super important that it’s talked about. While I do like her calling me Mommy I would be just as happy if she called me Lisa.
John Adams
March 6, 2019 at 6:09 am
Now THIS popped into my timeline at just the right time. I am aware of a media campaign that was recently dropped because the company involved was suggesting the phrases step and blended are outdated when referring to step relatives. As a stepson since the age of eight, I hit the roof when I was asked to comment on this on the radio. The mere suggestion I should not refer to myself this way or refer to my step relatives as blood relatives is incredibly offensive. That’s no disrespect intended to them, but it’s a part of MY identity. I am a step relative and that’s a fact and to suggest I should call someone who isn’t my mother or father mum or dad, wow, that’s just off the scale.