I have been married twice in my life. My first marriage ended in divorce, and this left me emotionally, and financially damaged. I also had to re-build my life from scratch, and after 15 years or so, and three children, it wasn’t easy, and it took me many years to be in a happy place again.
I’m not saying that only men suffer in divorce because that would be too much of a one sided argument. Obviously women are affected by divorce as well.
What I’m actually saying is generally men lose so much more after divorce. Emotionally, men in a marriage or partnership usually end up leaving the marital home because apparently the kids are better off with their mum, although I have to disagree, this isn’t always the case. Dads are rarely given the option to stay as a lone parent in the home, and there could of course be a number of reasons why that’s the case. The man is so often the bread winner in the family and that has a bearing on the decision that the man leaves. So he can work to continue to maintain his children and often for ex-wife to stay in the marital home.
The whole process of divorce is heavily biased towards women to ensure that she is looked after financially and emotionally. The man in a divorce is an afterthought, especially when it comes to the children. There seems to be a myth that men can happily carry on with lives, with only a limited amount of contact with their children, and this is so often controlled because the man is doing his best to maintain a job to help with his children financially. Of course that puts pressure on spending time with your children. It’s very much a catch 22 situation.
Through the whole process of a marriage separation and divorce the emphasis is totally focussed on making sure the woman is looked after.
In my own personal experience I lost out in both cases. To finalise the divorce I had to sign over the whole property value of the marital home, and agree to making payments that looking back was completely wrong, and more importantly unfair to me. However, I did it to sort it out quickly, otherwise I knew that it would go on for years and that ultimately it would fill the pockets of solicitors, which if I’m honest really irritated me. So, I struck a deal and walked away from 18 years with just a car that was decreasing in value quicker than I could believe. Do I have regrets? Possibly, but sadly it was such an emotional time as far as my children were concerned I wanted it sorted, so I could concentrate on building strong relationships with my children, which thankfully I did.
In divorce, and when it involves children there is never a thought given to the person leaving the marital home, which as I have said is generally the man.
The attitudes of society needs to change so that men’s feelings and well being is look after as well, because in my humble opinion, it is still heavily focussed towards women.
Men have feelings as well. Fathers love their children, and men need money to survive and deserve a share of the finances that have been accrued from a marriage. Will it change? I doubt it.
I would love to know what you think.