Men Dads Depression PND And Suicide
The single biggest killer of men under the age of 45 in the UK is suicide. That is something that has to be a fundamental flaw in our society. In truth I actually wonder how little we have moved forward in enabling men to talk about problems they may be having in their lives.
It’s estimated that around 84 men aged between 20-49 years old commit suicide, and out of all suicides recorded 75% of them will be men. Those by anybody’s standards are shocking. It is a problem that needs solving and solving quickly. How many other people have to lose a son, brother, father, husband, friend, or uncle in their lives before we do something about it?
We are constantly talking about removing the stigma surrounding mental health issues and yes, we are moving forward, but this is a very slow process. Suicide is very often the final act of somebody where life has been a struggle and those close to them haven’t noticed that they needed help. The fact that they then decide that life is no longer worth living has to be addressed and help needs to be more readily available for men that are struggling. Going online to find a therapist is definitely one way forward help men deal with their mental health issues.
My thoughts are that this is truly centred around how men are still living in the past, where it is considered a weakness to admit that something is wrong. This is something that has been talked about for years, and supposedly men are now beginning to open up more more. Well, if they are I ask the question how come so many young men are taking their own lives?
Men need to open up if they are having problems with daily life instead of shutting it away because they are under the impression that people will judge them because they are not the big strong man with all that toxic masculinity of “I’m a man, strong and powerful, nothing bothers me attitude” that is still very much around today. It is holding men back when they have issues around mental health. It’s absolute nonsense that men can’t show weakness or be struggling when it comes to the daily grind of life.
The pressures in life today are even greater than ever before. That’s why we need to open up the discussion on men and mental health. By doing so we can help men that feel under pressure and are perhaps struggling with work, money worries or maybe they just feel like they don’t fit in, in the way that society sometimes dictates men should.
Men should be allowed to fit into society exactly as they feel comfortable, not in a stereotypical way that men belong in the dark ages of the 1950’s.
We as a society need to let all men know that yes, it’s ok to cry. Yes, it’s ok to feel vulnerable, and yes, it’s ok to show weakness. It’s also ok to feel that life is tough and it’s ok to shout out that you’re not coping with life whatever the reason without fear of being judged or mocked or made out to be a weak man because they need help to cope. Men who reach out are the strongest men in our society.
The biggest change in a man’s life is when they become a father for the first time. It’s a life changing moment that you will never have experienced before, and yes it can be overwhelming.
It’s no wonder to me that many men can suffer from PND after becoming a dad. Thankfully it is now recognised that dads can struggle with becoming a parent and all the changes and upheavals that go with becoming a dad. This is why we must encourage dads to talk if they are having a hard time so that we can change attitudes and get men to open up,l before they take the route of suicide, which can’t be undone.
Hopefully if we can open the doors to men that are struggling with mental health or any problems that life throws at us, then maybe we can reduce the amount of young men committing suicide.
What do you think? I would love to hear in the comments below.
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19 Comments
Warren
February 19, 2019 at 12:13 pm
Very good blog, excellent read. Sadly this was me last year and in September I tried to take my own life. Luckily I had people who loved me and refused to give up on me. The best advice is just to talk things through.
While being a good dad is looking after and supporting your children and partner you can’t do any of that without looking after yourself.
Personally I got so lost in trying to look after every one else I didn’t realise how depressed I’d become. Sometimes you need to take a step back and just be a bit selfish and put yourself first.
Five months on life is much better mainly due to realising I have an awful lot of love around me. I still have dark days but I’m learning how to cope with them.
Thanks for highlighting this and sorry for the long comment
Nigel
February 19, 2019 at 12:36 pm
Hi warren,
Thank you for commenting and your honesty in your reply. Part of the reason behind me writing this is I have to tried to take my own life and thankfully didn’t succeed on 3 occasions.
I’m so happy you didn’t either and I’m happy that you are in a better place now surrounded by love. You ever need anybody to chat to who has been there. Please DM me don’t apologise for the long comment it’s good to talk #letstalkdad
Jacqui
February 22, 2019 at 7:00 am
This is such an insightful post, Nige. The statistics are frightening! Men or women should not be afraid to speak out! #thatfridaylinky
Michele Morin
February 22, 2019 at 11:52 am
A sobering topic for sure. I have been doing some research on this myself, learning that here in the States our life expectancy is going down because of “Death by Despair.”
Enda Sheppard
February 22, 2019 at 1:03 pm
Such a huge issue in our time: it’s awful to think of people, mainly men, “solving” a temporary problem with the ultimate in permanent solutions. We have to be so vigilant with your kids especially. The ones who don’t talk about what is going on for them are the most at risk, I feel. Our son, for example, has to be helped to first of all express when things are going not so well for him, and only then can we tackle any issues in a sensitive way. Great post, Nige #ThatFridayLinky
Rosie Doal
February 22, 2019 at 5:33 pm
It’s terrible how this figure is going up every year and it’s sad to see because someone who feels the need to take this action, could very easily be helped. If only we encourage them to talk openly about their feelings. I don’t mean just the government or health services doing more – but we could all do more. Looking out for the signs of people around us is a start x #ThatFridayLinky
Josie – Me, Them and the Others
February 22, 2019 at 5:53 pm
It’s such a shocking statistic, hopefully posts like this will help to change it for the boys of the future. #thatfridaylinky
Alice v
February 22, 2019 at 6:12 pm
Great post! Men have always been seen as the strong dominating figure in which showing or even having emotions makes them lesser men somehow. I think men, especially fathers should understand thier emotions and not fear them. Humans go through many emotions everyday, no one is always happy or always depressed. They should be ok with showing vulnerabilities and accepting that they can cry too.
Jeremy@ThirstyDaddy
February 22, 2019 at 7:19 pm
every time I see numbers like this it both blows my mind but at the same time doesn’t surprise me. Its just as big a problem here in the States. #thatfridaylinky
Jaki
February 22, 2019 at 8:47 pm
Thank you for sharing this. It’s no secret that my husband is a sufferer of depression. The last few years have been anything but easy but it helps that the stigma is being removed. Posts like this help. Thank you! Thanks so much for joining in with #TriumphantTales – make sure you come back next week for our special announcement!
Jo – Pickle & Poppet
February 22, 2019 at 10:18 pm
Those statistics are staggering. I was aware that men are more likely to take their own lives than women but I had no idea what the stats were. You are right, we need to make sure we are really doing everything we can to allow men to open up and talk about their feelings. We all have them and we all need to know someone is there to help when we need it. #TriumphantTales
Maria | passion fruit, paws and peonies
February 23, 2019 at 7:00 am
These statistics terrify me. It’s so important for us to teach our sons to communicate. And also to try to understand themselves better. Important post xx
John Adams
February 23, 2019 at 8:16 am
In some respects we’re going backwards. Suicide used to be the biggest killer of men under 25 so the fact it’s now the biggest cause of death for those under 45 shows something is wrong. Partly, I feel, it;s because we only recognise one form of masculinity: the tough guy. Men are expected to fit into it. In fact men can be caring, gentle, tough, straight, gay, ultimate cage fighters, ballerinas – whatever. One size does not fit all and makes this dreadful problem much worse than it need be.
Annette, 3 Little Buttons
February 23, 2019 at 11:13 am
I had no idea that the stats were so high for suicide in men. That’s really shocking and a real eye opener. I think posts like yours are so important for getting conversations going and showing that it’s not a weakness at all to open up and show how you are feeling. Thanks for sharing such an important message with the #dreamteam x
sam
February 24, 2019 at 8:57 am
Yrep dad’s having feelings too. Good for you for raising such important information X #thatfridaylinky
Jo – Pickle & Poppet
February 24, 2019 at 10:04 pm
Popping back for #ThatFridayLinky
Wendy
February 26, 2019 at 8:30 am
The suicide stats in men are just shocking. It really does worry me as both my husband and my brother struggle with depression. My husband in particular struggles to talk about how he’s feeling as he wasn’t really brought up to share those kind of feelings. I always try to let my own sons know that they can talk to me about anything so If they feel bad as they get older they know it’s ok to talk about it xx #triumphanttales
Crummy Mummy
March 1, 2019 at 4:59 pm
These are frightening statistics – well done for speaking openly & raising awareness! #ThatFridayLinky
Zekka
March 5, 2019 at 8:54 pm
First of all sorry for my english, I’m french.
I find that your article is pretty accurate but there are some points which I find problematic. The fact that men ‘must’ open up is clearly not questioned. But I find that telling it to them as directly as you do is putting to much pressure on men and is a form of blaming. I think that saying that showing emotions, break down, crying or seeking help is not weakness and it can be strenght is suffisent and not sound like orders. Moreover I think that there is another big problem: the fact that very often society and surrounding are not ready to hear men being ‘weak’. They will consciously or unconsciously harm men. In a way there is a form of violence from society toward men which participate more to men’s silence and pop culture and in the more subbtle way than words like ‘boys don’ t cry’. I think that men’s silence is, for a big part, a protection mechanism. People’s reaction is the biggest fear of men. I think addressing messages (which say how to act) not to men who want to show ‘weakness’ but to the rest of the society can make these men feel safer, feel like people are changing and that attitudes toward them are changing. It make men less attacked or blamed (I strongly think that the words ‘toxic mascunility’ participate stongly in it) and ‘interpellate’ the right persons to encourage men (whitout ordering them) and to questioned their own behaviors toward men.