Nowadays there are thousands of parent blogs being written, and all of them will have a different take on parenting, but for me there are so many of them that are portraying their children as shining examples of perfection, They portray the perfect family life and this, as a consequence I believe, puts far too much pressure on us mere mortals that simply mess up as parents because, if we are honest, we as parents are not perfect, but also neither are our children.
I have raised three children to adulthood and of course they are perfect, well adjusted human beings and I have never had a hitch thoughout their upbringing, and of course I have four year old twins that never step out of line and are always perfect. Haha! Who am I kidding?
Over the last 21 years there have been numerous issues with all of them from being born to becoming adults and guess what? Even though three of them have grown up there are still issues!
So, when I read parent bloggers writing about their children being perfect, whether it’s sleeping through the night at 3 months old to eventually becoming lawyers, doctors or astronauts, I laugh initially and think this is a shocking example and completly the wrong image of what parenting is about. Is this real life? Well if it is, it’s not my life!
Being a parent is tough. From the moment your children are born it doesn’t matter if they are the first second or third or more children. The reason is simple. They are all individuals and very different, and require a new set of practices as a parent to deal with your children, no child is the same and you simply have to adjust the way you deal with them.
I have said that I am a father of five and not one of them ever slept through the night. In fact my twins wake up every night and find their way to our bed, and I mean every night! I seriously can’t remember the last time I had a full unbroken nights sleep, so when I read about children sleeping through the night, every night it’s difficult to believe.
I have raised three children through their teenage years and of course I have had no problems that the teenage years bring! I constantly read how easy the teenage years are with children from parent bloggers. Well, I’m not in this perfect world.
My three older children went through their teenage years getting drunk. I’m sure they have tried drugs of some sort or another, although I have never been told that because although you think that your children tell you everything about their lives, dream on! You really should get your head out of the sand! They don’t.
As a teenager so much of their lives is private to them. All you can do as a parent is keep the lines of communication open. It really irritates me when I hear parents say we are like sisters or brothers, not child/parent. We tell each other everything etc. Ok, in some very rare examples that may be true, but not the amount I read online. I constantly read parents saying this in posts that my teenager tells me everything. Really! I’m also very sure my four year old twins will hold things back as they get older!
What I have learnt is that the more you ask, the less likely you are going to be told anything. Sometimes you have to just wait and be patient and they may open up, but of course that may never happen as well.
So next time you read a blog post and believe me there are plenty of them about, writing about the perfect family life with openness and communication between children and parents. Then you instantly think what am I doing wrong? Believe me you are doing nothing wrong. A lot of parent bloggers like to portray they have perfect children and a perfect family life because they need to keep the image just right for their blog and just maybe they are worried about being cricistised for losing their cool because their children on a regular basis drive them up the wall. It’s ok to be honest and say from baby to adulthood parenting is tough.
I suppose it’s peoples inability to admit that not everything is perfect in their lives for fear of being cricistised or judged by their peers.
I would love to know your thoughts!
6 Comments
Jeff Wood
December 22, 2016 at 1:17 am
What a great post and I agree. As a dad to 3 kids(7,10,18) there have been plenty of mishaps over the years. My kids have made mistakes and so have I but we all learn from them and move on. I haven’t really gotten into much bad on my blog but believe me I will write about it as it’s a huge part of parenting.
Rach
December 22, 2016 at 8:31 am
Well said, and this is why I take some blogs I’ve read with an element of a pinch of salt.
Lucy At Home
December 22, 2016 at 8:51 am
This is interesting because I am currently drafting a post coming from the opposite end of the spectrum. I find it upsetting when parent bloggers constantly word-bash their children, saying how much hard work they are and airing all their mistakes online. How would these adults like it if their partner (for example) wrote a blog all about how hard it is to live with them, and detailing all the arguments they have and how they’re rubbish at their job. I think they’d feel pretty offended and betrayed by someone they thought they could trust.
I understand that it can make people feel inadequate when they’re presented with a perfect image, though, so there needs to be a balance. I personally try to share real life on my blog, but end by looking for the positives in it. When we think of our children as good kids, it is easier to parent them because we see them as people with skills and flaws rather than a source of stress.
Also, all kids are different and will struggle with different stages. I was a perfect teenager in many ways, but was not so great in my twenties. So if my parents had blogged, we might have been sceptical of their account of my teens but it was actually true.
Thank you for your post – I like one that makes me think, even if I come to a different conclusion in the end (and sorry for the essay!).
Have a lovely Christmas.
David Shaul – DadvWorld
December 22, 2016 at 9:25 am
It’s the world we live in, the majority of it is fake. Everywhere you look, fake! It’s like we live in some sort of illusionary Matrix some days!
I will say, my lad sleeps through almost every night…. In our bed! I give zero shits whether that’s right or wrong in whoever’s opinion. He sleeps, mum sleeps and I sleep, albeit with a knee in my back but who cares, it’s working for us right now. The girls are 11 & 12 now so I’m expecting fireworks soon.
Great post mate.
Martin Lee
December 22, 2016 at 4:25 pm
I like reading your posts as I do feel it is a true reflection of family life…like the tv programme outnumbered shows every day life…Who wants to be the perfect parent with perfect children…sounds boring!
Alan herbert
December 23, 2016 at 6:33 pm
Great post as always Nigel.
What you’re not the perfect family?? I’m shocked. Must have been reading someone else’s blog lol.