So You Think You Know Your Children, But When….

So you think you know your children, but when they become teenagers or sometimes before the reality and truth of the matter is they will only give you a screenshot of their life when it suits them, as we did with our parents.

My second oldest daughter turned 20 a couple of days ago and it made think how much do I know about her life? For the last two years she has lived on her own at university about a two hour drive from us.

I have if I’m honest, absolutely no idea how easy or difficult her life is at probably any given time. I no longer know her daily routine, if she is stressed or unhappy or for that matter deliriously happy. It can at times be difficult for me to deal with, because no matter how old your children are you still feel protective and worry about them all the time.

It all changes the minute your children turn into teenagers. This is when in my opinion they start to find themselves having strong valid views and they are simply trying to stamp their mark on the world.

One of the things that I hear often and I’m not saying it doesn’t happen, is that my teenage child tells me everything and always comes to me with their problems. I believe yes, they may well come to you with their problems, although quite often it has been going on for quite a while and ok you can help, but it would have been a lot easier had they come to you earlier. Of course they don’t do that because when your children become teenagers they learn the most infuriating ability of keeping secrets! The more you ask the less likely you are going to be told what the problem is.

Let’s be honest is it any different from what we did with our parents? Although I think it was of a lesser impact when I was teenager.

Technology, social media and everything else is great. It’s the teenagers world. It’s the world they have grown up in and like me, I couldn’t do without my home phone when I was child, so if you took mobile phones off our teenage children all hell would break loose! The danger of course is quite simple. It’s a perfect place to keep their secrets. We would not know or be able to find out what is going on in their lives.

Over the last few years there have been more times than I care to mention where I have to piece together their lives from the little snippets of information they give you. The difficult thing is that sometimes you can so be wrong. Treading carefully is always the order of the day.

Teenage years are a minefield as much for the child as it is for the parent. Teenagers secrets, especially girls, were more often than not written in a personal diary and I’m sure many parents couldn’t resist looking. The danger is of course is that you might read something that will shock you about your teenage child. Today of course they can keep their inner secrets online with a passcode. It is at times like observing their life via Instagram.

I believe the next time you think you are totally in tune and secret free of your teenage children think again. You will only know what they want you to know. It will be heavily censored by them as they grow and mature into adults. Teenagers today live their lives in 140 characters or on snapchat which is sometimes how my conversations with my teenage children goes and then I try to piece it together and maybe have an inkling of what’s happening in their lives. Usually failing miserably.

I was no different. I know there are plenty of things that I got up to in my teenage years that my mother still doesn’t know about to this day.

What is your relationship with your teenage children like? Is it open and they tell you everything? Or do you feel they hold many things back? I would love to know.