Watching My Mum Get Old. It’s Heartbreaking! 

This year my mum wil be 89 years old, and over the last few years her health and well being has taken a dramatic turn for the worst. It’s been a very difficult situation for me to watch as her quality of life is far from good. 

About two years ago I wrote how my mum made me sad one day. My mum said to me that she thought she should go in a home. This was really unpleasant to hear, but I also understood where she was coming from. She is lonely and her main source of company is the TV. 

Over the last couple of years I have watched her gradually remove herself from society. She doesn’t go out unless we take her out and that is something we try to do as often as possible, but obviously time has its limits. We do like to make sure she has Sunday dinner with us every week, but it’s not always possible and both my wife and myself always feel guilty because it will probably be another week before she goes out. 

My mum’s zest for life was always amazing. She has lived in different parts of the world. She was in work until she was well into her 70’s even though it was only part -time, but it kept her active and more importantly kept her brain alert and active. 

Nowadays because every day probably just flows into one, it must be very difficult to find a purpose in the morning to get out of bed and I really understand that it’s most likely very boring looking at the same four walls everyday. Doing the same things at the same time everyday  I feel it must be soul destroying. There is no spontaneity to life. Not that I think she should be sky diving because she couldn’t because she is riddled with arthritis and mobility is a huge struggle for her. 

My mum is certainly not unusual. There are many elderly people having similar existences. Of course in today’s world medical science is helping people live longer. Apparently the average age of the population is now 40 years old and that of course is due to the fact that people are living longer. What is the cost of people living longer, which I don’t mean in monetary value, but emotional well being. Because family has changed so much in the last fifty years. Family doesn’t have the support mechanism to look after the elderly generation. I think most likely because we live in a society that is heavily based on being selfish. Look after number one. 

Consequently that leaves so many elderly people left on their own for long periods of time and that in my opinion is not good. 

My mum’s memory is starting to fail at times quite badly now. I often see her sitting staring into space as she is on her own planet. 

I see my mum most days, if not, I will always phone to check she is ok. Sadly I feel she is now just counting down the days to when she won’t be here anymore and she will be one of many people looking at life like that. In fact just the other day she said to me she actually didn’t want to be here anymore which is heartbreaking to hear, but I understand sadly why she should say that. It’s about quality of life and her quality of life is deteriorating very quickly. I find it incredibly difficult to be positive with her because I don’t believe she is listening anymore. There are times when I feel my mum has just given up, and that leaves me at a lost as to what to do. What do you say to somebody who has always been in your life, and you love very much. When they say I really can’t be bothered to get out of bed in the mornings, I wish I knew the answer, but I don’t. 

We all lead very busy lives, but it would be nice to take a little time out to visit our elderly parents or family on a regular basis. It may not seem like a lot to you, but it would mean the world to them. 

Would love to know your thoughts.