Divorce Helped Me Form A Strong Bond With My Older Children

Coming from a divorced family life as a child, it would for many years cement the fact in my mind that I never wanted children.

It wasn’t until my eldest child was born that I realised I’d felt that way originally  because my own parents simply didn’t care about their children. They were far too selfish and pre-occupied with their own needs.

Then I got married and from my first marriage, I had three children who are now aged 22, 20 and 18 years old. The marriage to my first wife was toxic for a long time and it was only a matter of time before it ended.

Now my older children have grown up with the 18 year old about to go off to university, it’s got me thinking about how I have such strong bonds and a fantastic relationship with them all. Would this have been the case if their mother and I had not got divorced? I don’t think so, and I will try to explain why.

When you are in a very toxic marriage that is totally beyond repair, you lose sight of what is important, and in my case it was my children who were very young at the time. I needed to find happiness so that I could be happy for my children.

As I have written before, leaving my children was one of the toughest decisions of my life, in fact it was probably the toughest decisions, but it had to be made and I did exactly that. I knew the early months were going to be very tough. Not putting my children to bed or not being there when they woke up in the morning was made tougher by the fact that I was a very hands on dad.

Divorce however, actually benefitted my relationship with my children. I got to have more time with them on my own. I set aside certain days and times during the week that was our time. I genuinely believe had I not have gotten divorced I would have spent less time with them.

They stayed over with me and because I was in a happy place they were happier and we had a fantastic time together always, whether it was carving our names in trees in the local woods, or just larking about in the park or adventure centre.

One thing that did change though, was that they all took up football. This happened over the weekend so I got to spend all weekend with them, and that was a time that I treasured, and I now have the fondest memories.

They have all grown up now and the relationship I have with all three of them is strong and very solid. I see lots of them and speak to them most days of the week. I’m not sure this would have been the case had I not have been divorced from their mother.

I formed a strong unbreakable relationship and I couldn’t ask for anymore.