Physical Violence in Relationships 

I recently read a post by Alan at Omg it’s a girl about domestic violence, and that in Ireland there is a campaign underway. The statistics of domestic violence that Alan quoted were massive, but it didn’t surprise me one bit, especially the figures of domestic violence against men by their partners, wive’s or girlfriends. The post brought back some personal unhappy memories for me. Which I hadn’t thought about for a long while, but felt need to write it down.

For years the stigma attached to men being abused by the women in their lives has been swept under the carpet because society doesn’t sit well with this kind of behaviour. You will get the usual, my god you are a man, how could a woman hurt comment, but how wrong could people be. The truth is of course women are very capable of uncontrollable rage and temper that results in violence against their husband, partner or boyfriend.

One of the major reasons men don’t come forward and tell people is because they are embarrassed and feel that society won’t believe them so consequently they hide it and believe it’s ok I’m a man, I can take it etc. No they can’t! Their self esteem, confidence and self worth is slowly destroyed and like women in the same position they feel trapped and unable to escape.

I grew up in a home that was full of domestic abuse and what did it teach me? Quite simple really, that I thought it was normal. This is how relationships work and it took a long time for me to reaslise that this was completly wrong and very screwed up.

I have been on the receiving end of domestic abuse in one of my  previous relationships as well. I’m not going to go into detail of the abuse as that would be inappropriate at this moment, but I will give my view on how it made me feel. Although I will say that on two occasions I was hospitalised and on one of occasions required an operation,so that I could eat solid food.

Your self esteem, worth and confidence is slowly diminished and you actually begin to think it’s normal. This is what happens when the front door is shut. You get battered and it’s compounded by the fact that I grew up witnessing this happen between my parents and I don’t think that it had really gone away thinking it was normal, but it’s not normal, far from it.

As a man it made it so much more difficult because of society stigmatising that men are strong and surely can’t be hurt in a such way and I always believed you don’t raise a hand to a woman even though I had seen plenty of that happening as a child.

One moment through this dark time that I vividly remember, was building up the courage to tell a friend about it. In fact, I considered them to be my best friend and this was months in building up the courage that I eventually told them about what was going on in my homelife. Finally I did and the reaction was just awful. They laughed and said don’t be silly and basically didn’t believe me and dismissed me and the subject. I was back on my own to deal with this. Some years later I finally built up the determination to leave because I needed peace and not live in fear anymore.

The incredibly sad thing is that society still does not accept that women can be violent in relationships and this is the reason that most men hide it away and suffer in silence. If this post resonates with just one man who is in an abusive/violent relationship and helps them put their lives back on track then I feel I have helped what is considered to be a no talk subject. We need to help men as well as women in abusive, violent relationships.

Have you been or are you in a relationship that has experienced physical violence, because whether you are a man, woman, wife, husband or partner it is totally unacceptable behaviour and you should not have to put up with it.

Would love to know your thoughts.

45 thoughts on “Physical Violence in Relationships 

  1. This is something I have never delt with myself in relationships but have seen abuse from both sidess through friends. I am also a man who knows women can be the physical abuser and have helped 2 friends leave those relationships once they came to me about what was going on. It is sad that still today people don’t believe it can happen.
    Thank you for writing this.

  2. I’m sorry to read about your experiences Nige, but I’m happy that you were finally able to find a way out and to a better place. The more people like you who speak up about domestic violence, the sooner these attitudes will change. Violence in a relationship should not be tolerated, no matter who the perpetrator is. I’m glad you had the strength to tell this story.

  3. A really brave post, the importance of which is highlighted by Russia’so recent awful changes in the law around domestic violence.
    The reaction of your friend was shocking #thatfridaylinky

  4. Great post, I was in a relationship that was mentally abusing but not domestic, They really needs to be more resources for men out there in all fields really, everything seems limited for men for some reason!


  5. There really is no excuse for domestic violence whether it be physical or psychological. I was in a relationship which wasn’t violent but some off the things I tolerated weren’t pleasant and eventually I saw sense and realised I wanted a better life. #thatfridaylinky

  6. Sorry to hear you’ve had bad experiences Nige. I’ve been through various testing periods in my life but domestic violence is something I’ve never experienced personally. My wife has grown up with it though so I have an idea of how terrifying it is but difficult for me to comprehend. #ThatFridayLinky

  7. So sorry your friend laughed it off. That’s terrible. I haven’t experienced it fully but in my younger, drunken years was with a guy where both of us got a bit aggressive after drinks…ashamed to say it really but a long time ago. I think it should be more acceptable for men to admit they are being abused too and feel they can do this safely and with trust. Great post and glad you have Emily now xx Thanks for hosting x

  8. It’s such a shame you got that reaction Nige,many men don’t want to speak out because they fear the same thing.I can imagine friends of my Dad’s being of the generation where you don’t talk about things like that.Brave of you to write about it but more awareness is vital.

    I lived next door to a couple a few years ago and we could hear the woman hitting the bloke all the time.We tried to talk to him about it but he denied it all.Eventually he took so much that he flipped and hit her back and got arrested for it.They did split up after that & I hope he’s much happier now.

  9. So sorry for your experiences. Cant be easy to write about but if more people like yourself bring it out into the open, hopefully more can be done to help people in the same situation. A heartfelt blog which I can unfortunately relate to. Thankyou for sharing x #linkyfriday

  10. Great post Nige.

    Violence and abuse in a relationship shouldn’t be tolerated no matter who the perpetrator is.

    Glad you managed to leave and are now happy.

    Well done for sharing, the more that men come forward the easier it will be for others.

  11. Amazingly brave post. I’m sorry you’ve experienced such awful things 🙁 I’m desperately trying to raise my son to have the freedom to express his feelings in an environment where he knows he wont be mocked for them, and that they will be listened to. I hope it works. #thatfridaylinky

  12. Another one of your superbly candid posts. A subject I could write about….but simply can’t for a variety of reasons. Anyway double standards are definitely at play. I have see many men in abusive relationships bot as victims and perpetrators. I think both genders are just as capable of such abuse but look at all the Government-run campaigns to highlight domestic abuse. In everyone the woman is a victim. Of course they frequently are and to say otherwise would be ridiculous, but it doesn’t always work like that. Thanks for hosting That Friday Linky

  13. I’m so sorry to read about your experiences of domestic violence, it isn’t someone I’ve personally experienced but I agree that a lot of people don’t consider women capable of it. They certainly are and it is important that we all stand up and make this known, that way men who are suffering may feel more able to come forward and get help. #ThatFridayLinky

    Helen x

  14. This is not surprising. Sexism makes victims of everyone who doesn’t fit into the mold. As difficult as it must be to speak out on such a deeply personal issue, it is very important to do so. There must be countless other people living in an abusive situation who feel trapped and with nowhere to turn. Changing the world is no easy task. It’s a difficult path, but speaking out makes the path a little easier for those who follow in your footsteps. Gender equality must be equal for everyone.

    Very unfortunate that you turned to a person who was unwilling to help. I’m so sorry for that. That must have truly rubbed salt into the wound. I’m glad you found a way out. #ThatFridayLinky

  15. Wow! this is something that definitely needs to be discussed more. It would be good to see tv dramas like eastenders etc. explore these situations, because like you said many people don’t seem to accept domestic violence can happen to men too. Your brave for sharing your story! #ThatFridayLinky

  16. Thank you for sharing your story. I have seen men abused in their relationships and the lack of support they get when they talk about it. It is heartbreaking and it needs to stop. Women are just as capable of violence! I’m so glad you got out and are now in a safe and healthy relationship. #ThatFridayLinky

  17. This post made me cry. I too grew up in a violent home and then was the victim of violence in a realatioship. Because of the violence against me while growing up I just took the violence as my lot in life. It’s only now I am married to a wonderful man that I know the meaning of true love. I’m sorry your friend didn’t take you seriously. That truly sucks and I hope he reads this and is totally ashamed. Much love Hales x

  18. There really is no excuse for someone to be violent to someone that they are supposed to love and care about. I find it infuriating that people still sweep abuse against men under the carpet.
    I would like to think that any friend of mine would know that I would help them if they came to me in that situation, laughing at a friend who needs help is unacceptable and I am sorry that you had to deal with that when you was already dealing with an incredibly difficult situation.

  19. It’s actually something that I think needs to be brought more to the public attention because sadly it is on the increase. Thanks for writing such a great post, thanks for hosting! #ThatFridayLinky

  20. I’m glad you got out of that relationship, well done for being brave enough to talk about this. Men can absolutely be abused in relationships just as much as women can be and although I think there is more awareness of this nowadays, more still needs to be raised.

  21. Another well written and heartfelt post! It’s never OK. So pleased you have found the love of your life and have 5 amazing children. You story sure does have a happy ending. #thatfridaylinky

  22. Wow Nige, this is so powerful and I’m so sorry you went through this. Well done for writing this post, I’m sure it will help many. #thatfridaylinky

  23. Thank you for sharing this candid story. I’m glad you’re out of abusive relationships now!

    I so hate the double standards 🙁 I hope this post raises awareness <3

  24. Thankfully I have never been in this position however one ex I was with I believe it could have potentially turned that way. Once in a row, he walked up to me to the point I walked backwards and was trapped against a door which he punched it right close to my face. I am usually a timid person who hates rowing and usually you cant understand a word through my tears but I snapped and my inner strength came through. I walked forward facing back up to him telling him if he wanted to get violent then do it and see what happens. Luckily I think I made him realise I wasnt as broken down as he thought I was and within weeks I’d left him and never looked back.
    Domestic violence is unfortunately stereotypically portrayed as the woman being a victim but I know Hollyoaks did a story line years back where the woman was the violent partner. This is definately something that needs to be spoken about more and have the stigma erased.
    Thank you for sharing such a sensitive and personal subject. I am so glad that you are in a relationship that is healthier for you =]

  25. Thoughtful and brave piece. As you rightly note domestic violence of any kind should be taken seriously and people given the respect and support they need so they know they are not alone and aren’t to blame. Glad you have shared this experience and hope it inspires others to talk more openly about this so that the stigma can diminish. #thatfridaylinky

  26. This is so sad and disturbing to read. Domestic violence isn’t talked enough about especially in regards to men being abused. A very brave post #thatfridaylinky

  27. I love the honesty and grit of your posts, I always enjoy reading what you have to say each week on the link up and this week is just the same. We all really should be working harder to make sure that everybody is safe and happy in their relationships regardless of race, sex or anything! Good on you for sharing #ThatFridayLinky

  28. Domestic abuse is still covered up far too much, more so when it’s a man on the receiving end of the abuse. It’s brave of you to share how it’s made you feel, if even once person reaches out for support having read this it could change their life for the better, well done, I know it isn’t easy talking about these kinds if things.

  29. That’s really horrible to have to have seen and dealt with that. But looks like you’ve really managed to pull through it with success now and a great family. A good topic to raise. #ThatFridayLinky

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