Yesterday saw me having to have yet another visit to my GP. This has become a common occurrence this year, and if I am brutally honest I have had enough of doctors, surgeries and hospitals.
For around two to three days I have been having pains in my chest around the area where my little old heart is. This is not particularly unusual because since I had my stroke those pains come and go on a regular basis. It’s weird how you adjust your mind to accept things that your body does, and then you consider it normal. The truth is it is not normal, it’s generally a warning that something is wrong.
The underlying condition that I suffer from is high blood pressure and I never for one minute thought that blood pressure could cause so many issues, but it has with me. Most of the reason has been medication, and trying to get it right, which in my case has been a minefield.
Most of my medication has been no problem, but one particular tablet I have to take to reduce my blood pressure has been giving me so many problems when I take it, and I have taken so many different versions of this tablet, and most of them have disagreed with me in one way or another.
So yesterday I ended up in hospital having more tests directly on my heart, and thankfully they found nothing wrong other than what I already knew which of course is good news.
This year with my health I have had to come to terms with so many things. Sadly for me acceptance has never come easy. I have struggled to accept that for the rest of my days I have a medical condition that is going to require medication. The big question is have I accepted it? Well, we’re seven months down the line, and if I’m honest not entirely. It’s a struggle for me to get my head around the fact that if I don’t take the medication I may not be around to see my children grow up. You would think that is all it would take to keep popping the pills, well it is and it is not.
Accepting that I have a medical condition that requires me to keep popping pills has played with my mental health and there are days where it can really get me down. So when I found BetterHelp Online a place, where I could find help and some therapy it was a perfect solution.
What keeps me going, as I have said, is that I want to see my children grow up and be the dad they deserve.
Hopefully the latest medication will work and I can begin to feel normal again, because I have had too. I’ve had too many months of not feeling 100%.
There is one thought that I need to remove, before I go to sleep every night, I can’t help thinking will I wake up in the morning. Dreadful thought I know, but this is what my health issues have left me like mentally. Something I need to overcome. Life can be so difficult at times.