I left school at 16 years of age and my mother was straight to the point. Right son, you need a job because I’m not keeping you. I imagine I timidly replied ok mum!
So I got a job and after a full weeks work I was given my first pay packet. It was an incredible feeling receiving my first pay packet and seeing my name written on the little brown envelope with details of my pay. It was awesome.
I got home feeling very proud and I couldn’t wait to show my mum and this is where the reality of adulthood hit home like a thunderbolt from the sky straight between the eyes.
My mum asked me for my pay packet. She didn’t say anything, just looked at how much was there and promptly counted half out and said that yours and the rest was for her for rent so that I could live at home. Did I question it? No, not at all. It was the way things were done in those days. I’m sure that if I did that to one of my children today they would definitely not be so accepting!
Fast forward to this week and a conversation I had with my 17 year old son about paying rent and how times have changed. I was to say the least a little bit shocked.
This year he is planning on going to university to study and I mentioned to him which university do you want to go to? He said Swansea, which is about a 45 minute drive from home. Ok I said that’s great, if that’s what you want that’s fine by me.
The situation is, he has an unconditional offer from Cardiff, his hometown. So if he makes Swansea his first choice the unconditional becomes null and void, and with Swansea he will need to accrue so many ACAS points which he is more than capable of doing, but of course nothing is guaranteed.
I asked him what if both universities fall through? He replied, well what will I do? Time to smell the coffee son, get a job!
The conversation came around to the fact that if he is earning, you have to pay rent even though you may still be living at home.
This is where I was shocked and I’m not sure if this is typical of today’s youth, but he was adamant that he shouldn’t pay rent. His reason being that it’s his home and why should he pay to live in his home. Initially I thought he was joking, but no. He was deadly serious.
It’s interesting that over the last few decades how young peoples attitude to paying their way in life has changed and it got me to wonder who is at fault? The fact nowadays is that financially it’s harder than ever for your kids to get ahead, but that is not a good reason to fund their life.
So, are parents doing too much financially for their children? So many parents nowadays with children of university age have no money issues, no mortgage and they have possibly inherited money or left their jobs early with a lump sum and a good pension so they can financially fully fund their children’s lives when maybe they shouldn’t be. So when my son said that to me, in truth all he was probably doing was repeating what most of his friends are doing in their homes.
My own opinion is that we are not helping. Yes of course we are financially capable of helping them, but completely fund their life? I don’t think so because they are not learning a valuable life lesson about how to handle their finances. This was something I was taught when I was 16 years old. Taught to me by my mother, which has kept my finances in good shape all my life.
Everything we do in life costs money and the quicker your children learn the value of money the better because at some point they will be out there on their own without the bank of mum and dad on hand to help out.
Education in money and costs of general living, as well as how to handle your finances should be taught in the home and school from an early age. Schools are beginning to teach finance management, but this needs to be reinforced in the home as well.
I will be charging rent as soon as my children are in full-time work because it’s the right thing to do and they will learn an important life lesson.
Will you and what age will you charge your children rent to live at home? Will it only be when they are in full-time employment? Would love to know your thoughts.
56 Comments
Alan Herbert
February 24, 2017 at 12:34 am
I wanted to leave school after my GCSEs my mother that’s fine then you start paying rent.
Whilst in education we will support you.
I’ve said the same to my kids.
#thatfridaylinky
Dad
February 24, 2017 at 4:22 am
I agree with you about the lesson aspect of it. It doesn’t need to be a big amount, but it will help him in the long run to realise the financial responsibilities that come with life.
Sometimes parents seem scared of teaching the key life lessons, perhaps fearing the reaction your son gave. The problem with that is sooner or later the lesson has to be learnt and it only gets harder.
Good on you Nige, back yourself!
#ThatFridayLinky
Heather Keet
February 24, 2017 at 5:28 am
I also paid rent right after high school. I think it made up grow up quick and understand responsibility. #ThatFridayLinky
Maria Luves
February 24, 2017 at 6:48 am
We’ve done a couple of things over the years to try and make our kids more financially responsible. At 15 we worked out what we spent on them, for clothes, travel entertainment and then put that money into their bank accounts each month so that when they left home they knew how to budget.
Our 23 year old is currently back home post university (all three of our uni aged kids have moved away for uni). He is building a freelance career so is earning.
We charge him board/rent.
Not because we can’t afford to keep him, or enjoy the process, but because it is a real world experience.
He needs to factor his cost of living into what he’s earning and make realistic decisions.
Out experience of him has been that he does not save the extra money if he’s not paying it, so he might as well learn something from it.
Laura Beresford
February 24, 2017 at 7:21 am
I think when they start full time work I would charge something nominal just to make a point #ThatFridayLinky
MomOfTwoLittleGirls
February 24, 2017 at 7:41 am
I 100% agree with you. If he is not studying, he must get a job and pay rent. End of story.
I was very spoilt. I was not taught financial management because my mom did everything for me. As such I was clueless and I made some huge financial mistakes. I will do everything I can to make sure my girls don’t make the mistakes I did. My house, my rules. If you don’t like it, move out, get a job and see what real life is like. #thatfridaylinky
Stephanie
February 24, 2017 at 8:16 am
My mom was a bank manager, and I had a bank account from when I was 10 years old. That helped a lot in terms of learning how to manage money and balance a check book from a really young age. If I wanted something out of the ordinary, I would figure out ways to pay for it. I also moved out when I was 18 and never lived with my parents again, so I’d say it helped a lot. I haven’t really thought this far ahead with my son, but it does seem that many in this upcoming generation are very entitled, and it is really hard when all of their friends’ parents give them anything they want and create sort of a societal expectation. Good food for thought. #thatfridaylinky
kerry
February 24, 2017 at 8:29 am
Its strange how different families have different views, We was brought up quite strict we did chores for pocket money and then as soon as we turned 14 we was made to have a paper round if we wanted pocket money to spend on toys etc, Then when I was 16 I was made to take a weekend job, my parents never asked for board until I was in full time employment but once I had my car (which I had to save up for myself) they would ask for the odd trip to the supermarket so they could do a big shop (neither could drive, whilst growing up I would watch my mum carry a full weeks shopping in two hands!) I will be asking for board when my children are earning or receiving a set amount of money a week/month, some children receive pay from their collage now and its a decent amount!! If they want a mobile phone they will have to do chores for top ups etc and once turn 16 they can start looking for a weekend job. My brother had the same up bringing as me but is still paying his 22 year old sons mobile bill! each to their own.
#thatfridaylinky
Then We Were Four
February 24, 2017 at 8:39 am
I think we’ll be taking contributions when ours get their first full time jobs too. Depending on our financial situation at the time it will either pay towards housekeeping or go towards the inevitable ‘bank of mum and dad’ (in our case Dad and Dad) loan that will inevitably happen- i.e. we’ll put it in a savings account. At least then they’ll be contributing to their own lives.
#thatfridaylinky
Martin
February 24, 2017 at 8:53 am
I completely agree…it is important they learn the responsibilities of adult life! #thatfridaylinky
Anne
February 24, 2017 at 9:13 am
I was the same as you and handed over half my wages every week to my mum with no argument. I now have two grown up children at home, one pays his way without complaint. the other is earning much more money but refuses to pay more than her brother! Not only that, she often sends me texts from work asking for me to buy this and that and never offers to pay.
Maid in Dartmoor
February 24, 2017 at 9:50 am
I know my girls will be paying there way! Another great blog! 😃
David
February 24, 2017 at 10:11 am
Definitely agree with this approach! As soon as I started work, I had to start paying rent. No one batted an eyelid back then because it was the norm. It was expected that you chip in and pay your way.
I hadn’t considered that it was different now. If that’s the case, my kids are in for a shock when they start work!
Great post, as ever, Nige.
Hannah Meadows
February 24, 2017 at 10:19 am
This is a really interesting subject, particularly when applied to adopted children who have a whole other set of issues of home and belonging to deal with. I’d probably still charge ours rent if they were over 18 and earning, though. I think that teaches them about financial reality! We’ve already started having this conversation in a gentle way, though our children are only 8 and 7 and yet to receive pocket money (some of which will need to be earned, when it happens).
Pickinguptoys
February 24, 2017 at 10:22 am
We do with my 18 year old purely so he realises what it will be like when he’s out doing it for himself.As he works different hours each week we base it on how much he’s paid.My Mum didn’t take money off me and when I left home I had no idea whatsoever about money so I feel it’s good for him.
Sarah – mud cakes and wine
February 24, 2017 at 10:43 am
I lived away from home when I went to university and then moved out of home pretty soon after. I paid rent out of the part time job I had to my mum when at home when I had finished uni. I am not sure about rent when at uni I would consider it #thatfridaylinky
Autumn’s Mummy
February 24, 2017 at 11:21 am
We’re a long way off yet, but I’m planning on charging our daughter rent once she’s out of full-time education. That was my parents’ plan with me, but I moved out aged 18 while I was still in full-time education to live with my boyfriend (now husband)! #ThatFridayLinky
Fran Back With A Bump
February 24, 2017 at 11:37 am
I paid rent from as soon as I left school at 18 I think. I think charging rent is a good idea, even if you don’t need it, it gets kids used to having to budget and save ready for them to fly the nest. We’d always want to support our girls and in charging them rent would probably squirrel the money away for them but it’s the principle of them paying their way! Thanks for hosting #thatfridaylinky
Natasha Mairs
February 24, 2017 at 11:40 am
My eldest is only 12 nest week and he already knows that when he leaves full time education, he will have to find a job and may me and his dad some board. #ThatFridayLinky
Jo Sandelson
February 24, 2017 at 11:40 am
We were spoilt financially and were never asked to pay rent. Although i cheekily sublet some rooms when my parents went on hols. Don’t repeat this out loud i am very ashamed! I knew of children who had to pay rent and felt sorry for them but now I’m a parent and householder feel differently. It sounds like it wasn’t discussed we he was growing up – so out of the blue, it would have shocked me too. All in all it depends on how hard it’s going to be for him at the start, and how hard for you to provide a roof over his head. If it’s his first job and he’s saving to move into shared digs, I’d cut him some slack and try to come to an agreement about how much he can afford. Willingness is all on both sides.
Ps you could check, but don’t think an unconditional offer from one uni negates another’s offer. I know a few kids who have unconditional offers on more than one.
Anyway, good luck and keep up the Dad/Son chat!
Jo #thatfridaylinky
five little doves
February 24, 2017 at 12:10 pm
Gosh its a hard one as, as much as I can understand that its important to teach them the value of money, I AM a soft touch and if we could afford to pay the bills, I can imagine that I would waiver the rent for my children. My parents took me and my ex husband in when we were saving for our house and we didn’t pay rent for two years, I was very fortunate that we were able to use that money to save for our home, so in that way I would probably do the same for my children? #thatfridaylinky
AM
February 24, 2017 at 12:21 pm
Interesting post. I haven’t lived at home since starting work so never had to consider paying my parents rent. But I don’t think they would’ve accepted it anyway. Conversely, I’ve always wanted to contribute to them financially once they retired because I felt that they sacrificed so much to support my education. I’m not sure what I’ll do in the future with my own, but I suspect there is no single best way to do it. As long as they learn that they are not “entitled” to a free ride in life, I think I would be happy to support them for as long as I am able.
Gary @dadof2athome
February 24, 2017 at 12:36 pm
Me and my wife have had this conversation. I don’t want them to pay rent while they’re learning whether that be college/uni years but I’m keen they both get part time jobs to fund things they want. I think that is the best way for them to understand the importance of working and saving your money, and actually seeing the results of that. I paid rent to my mum when I was working but times have changed and it is much harder for young people to get into work or on the property ladder. I’ve always thought of perhaps taking rent off them when they’re working and handing it back in a lump sum in the future to be used for a house or car. #thatfridaylinky
Becky Clark
February 24, 2017 at 1:09 pm
I think that when children start working full time they should start paying their way regardless of if they still live at home. Otherwise it’ll be a massive shock when they eventually enter the real world!! #thetfridaylinky
Jeff Wood
February 24, 2017 at 2:20 pm
For me I have told my oldest already and it will be the same for my other 2 kids that if you are in school, you can live at home for free to avoid having that stress and focus on school. Once school is done, rent will be applyed. She gave me the same response saying charging me rent when I’m done school is not fair! Well yes it is, as an adult you have to pay your way and learn the responsibility of bills etc…
kristin mccarthy
February 24, 2017 at 2:38 pm
Buh bye kids. No college then get a job. (Very easy for my to lay down the boom when we are a decade away from any decision making.)
#thatfridaylinky
Elizabeth
February 24, 2017 at 3:19 pm
Totally agree with you! My parents did help me out a little until I was completely done with school…I was also an only child, and perhaps a bit spoiled! But I never moved back home. I stayed in my college town and started to work with the university. Now as a “grown-up”, with four kids of my own (and a fifth due to make an appearance next week), teaching financial responsibility is a must!
kris
February 24, 2017 at 3:25 pm
I paid rent as soon as I went to work at 16. I will expect my boys to contribute once they are in work. Ive seen firsthand parents who dont take a penny off there “kids” and I dont think it does anyone any favours.
Dadsense
February 24, 2017 at 4:08 pm
Great insight! When my sister was young she babysat at our church. My parents made her put all of the money back in the collection plate the next week. When she complained the first week, my dad pointed out that there are responsibilities that go along with earning money, and there are some things that we should be doing for charity, not for cash. She has become a great philanthropist, although not so great at budgeting…
I had a paper route from the time I was 12. My parents would take a portion of each pay cheque as ‘rent’. I also had a weekly schedule of chores around the house to earn my keep. Once I left for university I was stunned when my parents gave me a great big cheque – all the money they had collected as ‘rent’ over the years.
Teaching kids about responsibility is our job as parents, part of that responsibility is managing finances. It’s never too early to learn!
Jaki
February 24, 2017 at 4:10 pm
I have no idea at this stage! He’s only 4 so I have a few years to think about it. But I too paid my Mum ‘keep’ when I got a job at 16. I didn’t think anything of it, I was earning, it was only fair. #ThatFridayLinky
Anna (Toys Preschool)
February 24, 2017 at 4:35 pm
I never paid my parents rent while living at home, but I never really had a decent job whilst living at home, mostly I was studying. I think while in full time education it would be unfair of parents to ask for money and I know of friends who quit A-levels and therefore any prospect of Uni because their parents were asking for rent! However, if a teenager had a fairly reasonable job and was living at home I think they should be encouraged to have a savings account and if possible give parents a percentage of their wage. Personally if I was in this situation with my children and they were able to give me some of their wage, I would open a savings account and put it in there for them to help with a deposit for a house in the future (I wouldn’t let them know this was the plan though). That isn’t being over indulgent as today it is much harder to get on the property ladder (I know I’m still renting!)
Eoin
February 24, 2017 at 4:51 pm
Seems only fair, Nige. It teaches a sense of responsibility that does indeed seem lacking these days. Sadly we’ve got at least another 15 years before we can shunt madam out the door to work.. not that we’re counting!!
Katrina
February 24, 2017 at 5:39 pm
I am the mom of ten kids. Once they are out of high school then they can live here at home for free if they are in school full time and are paying their own way for college. That’s how we can help them further their education via college, by allowing them to live in our home rent free and food included. If they choose to work straight out of high school and want to put college off for a few years, then they either move out or they pay rent to live here. So far we have three adult children and no one has ever given us any grief about this.
Sarah Howe @runjumpscrap
February 24, 2017 at 5:39 pm
If my kids are working and still living at home then yes, after Uni. They need to pay their way and learn so I agree. Summer hols if they are working no, as I would be expecting the job to fund savings or living expenses when back at uni.Great post and thanks for hosting x
Virtual Wombat
February 24, 2017 at 6:18 pm
I used to get charged £50 a week by my parents. No idea if or when I’ll do it with Eban. He’s only seven so plenty of time to decide!
Helen
February 24, 2017 at 6:35 pm
It’s an interesting debate – I remember when I had a very similar chat with my parents as I was applying for university and I felt upset that they would suddenly be charging me rent if I didn’t get into university. However, now as a parent I can see how important it is and what a life lesson it is for them to learn! #ThatFridayLinky
Helen x
http://www.treasureeverymoment.co.uk/
chloe
February 24, 2017 at 7:18 pm
Hi, my mum got me a job interview when I was 15 so that I learned to gain the value of money. I loved my weekend job and the extra money I got. It also allowed me to save up for my first car. That said I never had to pay any rent whilst I studied, maybe its a balancing act, Chloe #thatfridaylinky
Sarah
February 24, 2017 at 7:57 pm
I definitely agree with you on teaching them the value of money, however instead of paying me money I would prefer them and agree with them to save the money for a deposit on a house. It’s hard for young people at the moment, especially in the South East where we live so any money they can save to fund that house I would prefer go in that pot. I would hope that would also teach them the value of money (she says hoping)!
Jo – Pickle & Poppet
February 24, 2017 at 8:14 pm
When I lived at home and started earning a full time wage I spoke to my parents about giving them money, it felt the right thing to do and then when I earned more money I increased what I gave them. I think this is because they had taught me about money values early on. It is an important life lesson.
Will I take rent off of my kids? I will, so that they can learn that they have to pay their way. However I did read somewhere what one lady does and I loved the idea – she takes that rent money and puts it into a savings account for her children so that when they are ready to buy a home they can have the money back and I really hope that we can do this for our children. My husband and I were fortunate enough to have help buy our first house and it was shared ownership but had we not have had that help we would still be renting and so I would like to be able to help my children out with that. #thatfridaylinky
Helen Gandy
February 24, 2017 at 8:45 pm
Ohhh always good to get your mind thinking with a post like this. I always thought when I was younger if my parents started charging me rent I would move out because felt like I shouldn’t be paying rent?! Times change though and I think when ours are older I would be expecting a contribution of some sort but perhaps not rent? I don’t know, I’ll see how I feel when they’re older 🙂 Thanks for hosting #ThatFridayFeeling
Rich
February 24, 2017 at 9:43 pm
As soon as my children get a job they will pay some kind of rent. once they’re in full-time work and if living at home they will pay more. As you say, they need to learn a life lesson and they should learn it early. i had to pay rent at 16 years old even though i was only working 8 hours a week
Amy & Tots
February 24, 2017 at 10:48 pm
I wasn’t asked to pay rent until I was in my 20’s, but I did my fair share around the house. I would always have a list of chores to do, mainly cleaning and helping to prep dinner. As soon as I started paying rent to my parents I was relieved of the chores (although I always helped to prep dinner as it was something I enjoyed). #ThatFridayLinky
Beth Owen
February 24, 2017 at 11:40 pm
I will most defintley be getting my kids to pay towards rent and bills. I paid half when I lived in my Dad’s but my brother didn’t and he thinks exactly the same as what your son does. It baffles me. Although, my brother is 22 now. He still thinks he shouldn’t pay. In fact, he’s taking the mick out of my Dad. Agreeing to pay then actually not paying. It’s hard being stuck in the middle as I have my Dad coming to me all stressed.
I don’t want my kids to turn out like that. I want them to know that the minute they leave education ,they need to pay up, if they still live here.
Great post !
#ThatFridayLinky
Peachy and her Mommy
February 24, 2017 at 11:45 pm
I will never charge my kids rent. I will always provide food and a roof over their heads. They can learn about money on all the other things they want/need like clothes, cell phone bills, car, gas, and entertainment. They also have me to teach them instead of having to deal with a sink or swim situation. Living at home and working is their chance to save money. I want to encourage them to do so.
While living at home they will have to follow the house rules. Why would they pay rent on top of that? I wouldn’t. If I lived at home and my parents made me pay rent I would move to my own place where I can have my freedom. I would also like to point out that charging kids rent because they have a job is encouraging them to not have a job. I would expect my kids to either go to school or work but I will not punish them for having a job. #ThatFridayLinky
David
February 25, 2017 at 6:46 am
I was extremely lucky that I never paid rent to my parents. However, having worked a long time in debt collecting, I’m a strong believer in teaching children the value of money. I’ll likely charge something once he’s working, however, I’ll also encourage him to move out and live on his own to build up his independence, which is something that I never did (I moved out and straight in with my (now) wife.
Dave
February 25, 2017 at 10:21 am
Interesting read Nige, my Dad taught me the value of money by encouraging me to do paper rounds and Saturday jobs which I did from the age of 13. Although I was not charged rent because I studied full time I totally appreciate your point of view and feel that we would charge our daughter rent if she chooses to live at home and work full time. I like the idea of charging rent but saving some or all of it as a deposit for her first home. That way she learns the importance of paying bills but secretly we will bury the money away and one day she can put it towards a deposit.
jeremy@thirstydaddy
February 25, 2017 at 2:14 pm
I’m hoping to get some time alone with the teen this weekend, go out to lunch or something, and one of the things on the agenda is her future plans. #thatfridaylinky
Jasmine A
February 25, 2017 at 2:22 pm
I still have young kids at home, but this is something I should think about in the future. I was allowed to stay at my home rent free with a full time job because I paid my way through college. I never thought about if they didn’t. Thank you for the thoughtful article! #thatfridaylinky
Rach
February 25, 2017 at 3:07 pm
I was charged rent when I was in full time employment at 18. Moved out at 21 then back in at 24 and was charged rent then but it wasn’t that strict!
I’d wait until my son was in full time employment before I asked him to contribute. I am, however, a big believer in ensuring he does chores etc as he grows up. Great post as usual Nige #fridaylinky
Rebecca
February 25, 2017 at 3:19 pm
Its definitely the right thing to do… my mother always charged me rent whenever a rental with friends fell through or when I was in-between places after university etc… granted it was only a little, but still I learnt how to manage money a lot better than my sister. She was never charged rent… and now struggles so so much with her finances that my mother is STILL to this day having to bail her out. Just goes to show 😉 #thatfridayfeeling
becca farrelly
February 25, 2017 at 5:43 pm
Its a really interesting one as my mum asked us for rent when we started working however we were shocked and a bit put out i have to say when she did! When Mia is working (shes only 3 now!) we will certainly be charging her rent but i know my partner is of a slightly different opinion, in that if we can keep her comfortably, then we will. I have about 15yrs to change his mind! 🙂
#ThatFridayLinky
ohmummymia
February 25, 2017 at 9:04 pm
I didn’t think about it yet because my little one is 10 months so I think I have a time for it but it’ not so stupid to take some money if your kids are working and still live with you
#ThatFridayLinky
Mrs Mummy Harris
February 26, 2017 at 1:09 pm
When i lived at home working full time i had to pay £250 a month and that was to just live there and contribute to the gas and electric (it also included dinner but if you knew my mums cooking youd know why i chose to get my own). Hubby paid £100 a month but got all food, phone, toiletries and sky for his room included in that.
Whilst I think my mum was harsh to take a quarter of my money before i even paid any of my bills and made me pay for my own driving lessons and also paying for my part of a family holiday that i was told I had no choice to go on – it did give the understanding of the value of money and as much as i disagree with her way – I will charge my kids to live with me when in full time work.
But i do think ill do it midway between mine and hubbys parents. ill include food and toiletries etc for a similar amount what i was charged, but rather than put it into my own pocket id like to be able to put some of it or not all of it into an account for them and surprise them on a birthday or engagement etc and it can go towards a mortgage or a car and they will then know the value of hardwork when they wake up every morning!! #thatfridaylinky
Helena
February 26, 2017 at 1:50 pm
I can imagine some teenagers arguing that their parents had them so why should they help financially. Teaching them how to manage money is a good thing particularly saving so they can go on to live independently. #ThatFridayLinky
Dave – Dad’s Turn
February 27, 2017 at 10:06 am
Totally agree Nige. As soon as they’re out of education and working, I’d like my kids to contribute. A token amount of course but it’s a valuable life lesson and I don’t think it’s a good idea for them to feel that they can live at home for free when they should ideally be independent. #ThatFridayLinky
Jade – Raw Childhood
February 28, 2017 at 8:07 pm
Completely agree with you Nigel! I’ve said to Kevin that when the boys are older we will support them whilst they are in education but as soon as that finishes then it’s rent time. I moved out at 15 so I knew the importance of money and bills from quite young and I want my boys to learn it too. Nothing in life comes free! #thatfridaylinky